Stupid me !

I know not, how do things happening to stupid people, keep happening to me.I was home alone for almost a week now and have screwed up any and every task I was assigned.In the last one week, I've cooked horrible food, broke utensils, spent infinite money on things like, say, onion. My life has pretty much turned into that of morons'.To add cherry on the cake, everyday when I came back home, something or the other was missing; Glasses, pillow etcetera. I don't know how, I could never trace.I've also been bullshitting every assignment in college and almost narrowly escaped death the other day on road.Sometime back, I banged the car door right on a man's face and I'm pretty sure If I were a guy, I'd have beaten then and there. I so love to be a female :| I've lost my i-pod and I can't find my watch, some book and things. My place has started looking like a giant garbage bin with rotten food and dirt-clad every inorganic thing. When at home, I've started inhaling dirt, I'd probably have to cover my mouth like  SARS patient. Fish! I'm in deep shit. Someone pull me out !

Surviving Conferences

One of the biggest assaults on your happiness is something called a conference.A conference is essentially a group of speakers with awesome sounding qualifications and shit sounding lectures with hi-tech audio and visual aids to raise the overall pseudo seriousness and the sophistication of the venue.If you attend many conferences, your life would disappear faster than your dad's money paying your education fee.It is like attending a lecture by Uday Chopra on acting skills except that people in lectures aren't in severe physical discomfort and praying for death.But there are people who don't get bored in a conference, people who have a screwed up personal life and take such conferences as a substitute for actual social interactions,it is like your facebook thing,you just sit and watch the world speak and simultaneously feel the part of it.Also, men who are married and have wives at their home are found to not-get-bored, they have profound experience, handling adverse circumstances.They're different people altogether, it's beyond our dimensions*Respect*.
So, if you can't avoid conferences at any cost.Try enjoying them. Here are some ways-
The Thinker
Your body may sit motionless for hours,as if your limbs are paralyzed, but disengage your brain and let it wander, into your dreams, in your desires, into the space and time.
Assignment completion
We all are busy people, we don't usually find time for petty things like assignment completion, tutorials etcetera. Utilize the time. Copy !
The Reader
Cotton and a book, if it works for you.
Sleep!
The best and the most efficient way.Don't sleep 48 hours before a scheduled inevitable conference, and sleep through it, awesomest thing on earth.True story.
Trust me on this and you'd come out breathing and absolutely alive ! Best-o-luck !

माँ सुनाओ मुझे वो कहानी

माँ सुनाओ मुझे वो कहानी जिसमें राजा न हो न हो रानी

जो हमारी तुम्हारी कथा हो जो सभी के ह्रदय की व्यथा हो 

गंध जिसमें भरी हो धरा की बात जिसमें न हो अप्सरा की 

हो न परियां जहाँ आसमानी 

माँ सुनाओ मुझे वो कहानी जिसमें राजा न हो न हो रानी

माँ सुनाओ मुझे वो कहानी जिसमें राजा न हो न हो रानी 

वो कहानी जो हसना सिखा दे पेट की भूख को जो भुला दे

जिसमें सच की भरी चांदनी हो जिसमें उम्मीद की रौशनी हो

जिसमें न हो कहानी पुरानी माँ सुनाओ मुझे वो कहानी

जिसमें राजा न हो न हो रानी 

The V-day

Okay enough shit about the V-day, get back to work now.

An open letter to you, sir

Respected Sir,
Actually Screw that
Sir,
I attend your lectures only for attendance.Don't think otherwise.I always knew human beings although, evolved,are fools.You, sir pose a live example.Your incorrigible ignorance is beyond any repair.Do you, by the way,know that our planet earth is elliptical in shape and not flat ? I wonder, you do.Your technical incompetence merges so smoothly with your communication skills fuck ups, but still I wonder why don't you try taking shower once a week kinds? And change that dirt clad brown sweater which looks like its laughing at us all.At our monotony.Also, after an alcohol session, why don't you chew a mint or something? You stink, you seriously do.You really think we buy your pretending-I-know attitude? In your dreams,sir,in your dreams.Although, you are no different but you need a special mention here.Why ? since you've freaking crossed all the limits. Of late you've been asking money for some futile creepy conference and actually taking undue advantage of the shallow minds of the front benchers.Do not try our patience. People earn respect and you're trying all the ways to lose it.I've never respected you as my teacher, for obvious reasons but there was an individual respect we shared.You have so lost it.I still, sometimes wonder in my sleep, in the deep woods, amidst the infinite sea, how. How do you manage to survive.If delusion was a person, it'd be you.You are ignorance personified.You've inspired me to research on the 'survival of the foolest' theory'.I just dropped in to express my gratitude.

Sincerely,
Nikita

Dear loser

Dear Loser,
The other day when you inappropriately touched me in a crowd of million people and vanished in the crowd before I could realize, it disturbed the hell out of me, I swear to Madhushala I wanted to stab you with a knife then and there.But, you know what? I've your face registered in my memory like the fictional snakes do and if again I happen to see your shithead, I'd slaughter your limbs.Trust me.Not that I do not understand your joblessness or anything, I understand unemployment takes a toll on everybody but Dude, C'mon you can't randomly mess up with females on the street like that. Are you seriously insane ?I understand the desperation doesn't let you think straight, Why don't you try porn or probably a C grade movie featuring Ravi Kishan and Koena mitra with weird dubbing and cheesy sets which never made it to a movie theatre.Try that, that'll probably satiate you.I understand the loser in you doesn't let you understand things and makes you pathetically sick but try applying your brains if you have any, it doesn't even help your interests, I am sure and makes you ridiculously ill.Or, probably try a session with a psychiatrist and get your brains fixed.You continue to exist like this, you're dead.One person here and there doesn't make a difference considering the population.
Sincerely,
Me.

The Beauty business

There's only one word to describe a woman, hot or not.Those, in the beauty business have although, hypnotized the world to use adjectives like pretty,beautiful etcetera for a woman.It's sad. Worse are the degrees of comparison; prettier, prettiest.So, I went in for a face cleansing thing for a cousin's wedding about a week back.I paid 500 bucks for that pseudo surreal session, that lady applied layers of creepy things on my face and told me to feign comfort, she rubbed some sand like particlized matter on my face ! I so wanted to kill her there and then and the other females that surround you.. some bitching about their mother-in-law, some.. 'discussing' their neighbour's cousin's daughter. Reminded me of the women's metro coach.More on that later. So that 45 minutes session was supposed to be the out-of-the-world experience and turned out to be hell for me. And when I open my eyes, looked at myself in the mirror,I realized I'd lost my eye lashes.. my freaking eye lashes !  Also they have 4 female employees , all around 20-ish .. and what's their job ? 'wooowww look at yourself, your face is glowing like anythinggg ma'amm.. my gooddnesss' . I've taken pledge , that I'd never visit a beauty salon ever, not even at gunpoint.Not even if my mother emotionally blackmails me.Not even if I'm dying and the doctor is in the salon, not even for a million bucks.