That itch

Today as I write this,I am not at peace, I have no idea what would follow.I have chosen a world for myself where I don't fit in, I feel like an early man stuck in the world of technological advancements and revolutions. I need to step back, hold on and surrender myself in the arms of nature. I wish I had all the time in the world, the way Charles Darwin had and found the love of his life and the courage to escape the worldly webs and societal norms and do what I desire.I want to travel to far off places, to distant lands, to ward off this air of shallow existence , to understand what is real, what is beautiful, to that old light-house, I want to watch the oceanic waves dance, I want to live on the beach. I want to drive for miles and feel the wind slapping my face and taste true freedom.All, I ask for is a camera, pen and a paper and well, a million dollars to travel the world.I want to get lost in the woods and capture a volcanic eruption, or a hurricane. There are very few instants when nature allows man to experience and observe the forces that shape our earth, I want to be a witness to such a magnificent event.I want to be a storm chaser ! I want to find peace in worshiping nature,the destroyer and preserver of human race, I want to tell the world that we, as a species stand no-where in this infinite universe.We are like microscopic creatures, which'd fade away like an ant dies an uncertain death.And still, nothing will change. Ours will remain a thoughtless meaningless existence. So 10 things I'd want to do before I die would be

• Serve our nation in whatever way possible.I donno how. Yet.
• Travel the world, as I keep saying, with a camera, pen and a paper
• Study Earth Sciences and chase a storm
• To be able to meditate. Multiple attempts, failed. Has to happen in very near future.
• Live near a water body, river, lake , pond , away from everything and everyone else.
• Learn to use the reverse gear in a car. Yes.Also, learn urdu, violen 
• Tell people to shut up, the masses.
• I want to play the Anil kapoor of Nayak, the movie in real ! sigh

And so on, It's not 10 yet.. is it ? Anyway I'd update the list, maybe some other day. What would you like to do before resting in your sarcophagus ?

I leave you with a poem of Sahir Ludhianvi,

Ye mehelon, ye takhton, ye Taajon ki Duniya

Ye Insaan ke dushman samaajon ki duniya

Ye daulat ke bhooke riwaazon ki duniya

ye duniya mil bhi jaaye toh kya hai ?

Har ek jism ghayal, har ek rooh pyaasi,

nigaahon mein uljhan, dilon mein udaasi,

ye duniya hai ya aalam-e-badhawaasi

ye duniya mil bhi jaye toh kya hai?

Yahan ek khilona hai insaan ki hasti

ye basti hai murda praston ki basti

yahan par toh jeevan se hai maut sasti

Ye duniya mil bhi jaye toh kya hai?

I don't know how, I don't know why,

It doesn't even matter how hard you try

Dear Freshers,

Now, that you freshers have joined college, you need to know the fundamental differences.

1. Don’t think about ragging, no one cares to rag you, lot of effort, no fun.

2.If you have ever watched Ekta Kapoor’s daily soaps showing colleges and likes, no, no one sings here in red duppatta and silver heels in the mid of nowhere. You’d be stoned to death.

3. The excuses you gave in schools about traffic and stuff, turn real here but the teachers don’t buy it. Yes, it’s like a god-like thing punishing you for your deeds. Uh Anyway,

4. Generally, there’s no mutual respect between the student body and teaching staff. Except that the students feign respect for faculties, faculties don’t even bother doin’ that.

5. Forget Robert Frost, don’t go the unconventional way, follow the masses. Either way, your life is screwed.

6. You can never make it to 9:15 lecture even if you start at night. Stop trying.

7. Unlike in school where in a protective environment, teachers keep kicking your asses to get the work done. Here, no one cares, you don’t do it, you’re done.

8. Teachers come and go, only yours and theirs, incompetence remains constant.

9. Don’t ever get de-barred in Behavioural Sciences. Don't let the lady, some 2 years older to you, flaunting bad grammar and f***ed-up pronunciation, tell you what life is about. Figure it out yourself. Trust me she’s equally screwed or prolly more.

10. Learn to be a hypocrite. Yeah.

11. Pretend you’re passionate about Sciences and technology and how it changes lives and makes things simpler and stuff even if you don’t give a shit.

12. Don’t tell people you’re an engineering under-graduate, they’d tell you to repair their light-bulbs, only to add to your frustration.

13. Tell people your engineering drawing sheet holder is a missile launcher and if touched, may explode. 78% buy that, true story.

14. There would be infinitely many incidents in your life when you would want to reply a long long speech/lecture/personal philosophy of a lecturer with ‘whatever’ or ‘shut up’ or ‘dude, get a life’ ,but dear kids, hold on there. Take, how-to-be-a-fake-listener classes from miss So**m Su*****i, instead.

15. Think stupid, act foolish, play cool. That’s the key.

16. Vivas.. well I’d rather write another post for that.

That said, college is fun. All the best ! Remember, life after death, sucks.

Itne armaano ki bankar kabr, khadi hai zindagi

When the most sacred things in life turn ugly, when the light at the end of the tunnel turns out to be a train coming your way, when all you're left with, is nothing.What do you do? It's like the big crunch, as if all the laws of  physics and science are defied by one such truth.As if everything has ended and even if it has not, it doesn't matter.When nothing matters.When that one question haunts you till the time you depart.When you know the dark is an inevitable truth, a truth you wish to escape. When ignorance isn't bliss, when running away is a pain.The moment when there's no land beneath you and no sky above.What do you do? When the words can neither stay within, nor can they come out. When the pain keeps coming back to you over and over.The moment when you wish, there was a god.An ideal god, who knows it all. The moment when you want to get back to your 3 year old self and wish to begin it all over again.When there's a war within and peace around, the peace which ain't comforting. When you wish you could shout and break that silence. That moment when you can't pretend anymore.When the pain doesn't let you live and the laws of nature doesn't let you die.You wish you had the answers, you wish..
You wish..killing wasn't a crime.You wish..

The Bollywood thingy

Last weekend I risked my life again when I decided to watch another bollywood movie after Shaitaan.Long back after watching Rab ne bana di jodi, I had lost hopes in humanity and wanted to die.True story.Watched Zindagi dobaara na milegi something,I don't like the name, too long and complex sentence structure , the movie wasn't bad though.Was good in parts and boring. The scenes move at Ekta Kapoor's daily soaps' pace or  probably slower. You can go home,cook sambar rice and come back only to find the scene is still on.Seriously.But, well F*** that, it's okay.I don't understand what makes people laugh so much? I mean, the masses were laughing their asses off at I don't know what.If at all, the dialogues were funny, they can at most make you smile, but screw that.The most awesomest thing on earth happened, the shayari/kavitas of Javed Akhtar.I am so in love.It balanced out everything.It left me in awe. That's a trick you know, there's a threshold above which the viewers switch to emotion high, after that give them any shit, any non-sense, they'd accept that with open arms, give them a Ram Gopal Verma ki movie, and they'd call it beautiful.They seldom analyse,that's the best trick in the business.No, really.I appretiate the intelligent direction. When you make a business, you must know your audiences' weaknesses, I mean , Taare zameen par left people over-whelmed and in tears and what not , I liked the research and the content and I could feel the extra drama they'd  desperately put in to make the masses cry and make them cross the threshold. And it so magically worked. But well, who cares. Jo beet gayi so baat gayi. Btw, andaaz apna apna, Shivaji-the boss, Doodh ka karz , Taikhana , many many many nameless movies that I've seen are class apart. If you haven't watched 'em, dear readers, you haven't lived your life. More on these, later !
p.s. Go watch zindagi milegi etc and call it awesome.

Fooled By Randomness

I was told to write about our very own Delhi, I thought rather than the bitchiness and the cliched negativity associated with it, I'd write about everything I like love about Delhi.I'd write for people and spread-the-positivity crap. When I completed the write-up, I was told it looked like wikipedia with emotions.I read it all again only to find,it did ! I wrote about some awesome places and monuments here and ended it with an emotional nostalgic note.It looked funny to me later. I've always abhorred the barbaric masses ,one should be taught to shut up and behave themselves.The buses and the roads are awesome, people in it and on it are tards .I've come across many people from different parts of our country, talk about, how screwed and vice, Delhi is.And I would always, almost get impulsively disgusted hearing things.I've always lived in denial.Now, I know it’s not Delhi, it's the people. We are not going global, we're all behaving like a 5 year-old ill mannered kid.  You don't believe me? Drive for an hour here, you'd know you're in Delhi when people are ready to shoot you on your face because you were *about to* hit their vehicle. When, more than Hindi, English or any other language, you'd get to hear, 'Saala BC'. When toddlers play the dude saying, 'you talking to me? talk to the hand.'(personal experience). You know you're in Delhi when you see children, more on streets begging, than in schools.Not to forget,they get you hitched to an absolutely random stranger and bless you to have kids. It's plain sad. .I know not what is up with people, what is so wrong? Why can't even the adults behave? Leave aside, the teens, they're a different class altogether. That reminds me, read this article, does everything sound cliched? Are you surprised? why/why not?The statistics ofcourse are exaggerated,but I’m surprised by the fact that I wasn’t surprised. Here in Delhi, kids learn the lesson of relationships before division and subtraction.I can’t write anything that is beyond me, anything that is pseudo-optimistic, I am pretty f***ed up, you know why?

The Delhi Metro : I have never seen anything made from the scratch and making a revolution in itself,an engineering marvel.A blessing to the delhiites. But, the commuters? What is up with them? You’re a Phd? Masters in Computer sciences? You know economics? Awesome..But you can’t behave yourself in the public, screw yourself. Seriously. I’ve realized, education is useless. We’ve built nations, we develop technologies. We innovate, we ideate but alas, we’ve grown from ape to ape-like masses. If you know what I mean.Coming back to the point.If you’re in the womens’ coach in the metro rail,you’re surrounded by wolly mammoth, quite literally, aunties who would even sparkle in the black hole,given their shimmery orange suits and gold make-up .Well, that’s their business ,they’d tell you to adjust thinking their body weight is as small as the time, Chandrachoor Singh stayed in the industry.And within 23 nanoseconds they’re on your lap, not to forget the difference between your body weights is well, infinity.Then you get embarrassed and your tissues start dying, you choose to get up, instead.As you stand,a kid, whose mother got married when she was 10 and gave birth at 11 and knows shit about parenting, comes to you and starts pulling your bag unless he manages to disbalance you and add to your frustration, the mother stands there smiling, thinking the damn kid is cuteness personified. That moment, my friends, you can’t do anything but smile at the kid in helplessness  wanting to slap him so tight as if you are Rakhi Sawant and the kid, her ex .Your home is another 20 stations to go, you decide to text your friend, and as you type, some 20 females around, start peeping at your phone’s display so desperately as if we are all guys and watching some,well forget it. It finally gets awkward and you keep the darn thing in your pocket. Simultaneously, the female standing just adjacent to you is checking you out from tip to toe and her expressions look like you’re wearing purple tee with green jeans and yellow footwears. The woman next to you wants to hold the handle very badly given the fact, if she falls it’ll take her centuries to rise again.So, she doesn’t understand the concept of personal space and is so close to you as if she’s the pda guy but hold on, 'ma’am why can’t you take a shower atleast before boarding? Is it too much to ask for?Or wear a deo? And since I see some space there, would you please shift, I’m very very straight and I donot like your body touching mine in whichever way.' You’re still struggling for a place to fit in, when suddenly a girl in her teens start shouting at her guy on the phone.No,she cannot do it in isolation.She has to do it in public.She's probably practicing to participate in the Jerry Springer show.Whatever,it is,pda is tolerable,public display of aggression,isn't. You wish, you could kill her vocal cords and tie her to the men’s loo of the Rajiv Chowk metro station till her nostrils cry for help.Nothing personal against her, though.In fact, dear readers, Metro is an ideal example of the Darwin’s Survival of the fittest, they’ll walk on the dead if needed. They’ll slaughter you for a space.That said,look what my friend says,here.So precise,ain't it? I feel light now, and yet another time, owing to my incompetence to end my posts, I'd leave it with a rough end.My apologies.
Cheers!

Happy Birthday !

He turned 50 today,  I haven’t seen him grow though, he was always like this, always the same. Although,he has become more quiet. Back in my childhood days, he used to run and laugh and dance and play,I wonder why he lost it.Probably because hes growing old. Sometime back I had an ill-health and whatever I ate made my stomach, ache. He, after detailed analysis and interpretation, got to know what should I eat in what proportions to avoid that pain. He  always device new techniques and rules that magically fit in and work. I never understand. Never  understood. He does not tell me what he did for me, he does not tell me he’s in pain and wants help, he does not tell me to shut up when I get on his nerves, he does not tell me to get lost when I shout irrationally resorting to my post-teenage tantrums. His life is boring but he’s at peace with himself. I, on the other hand, have everything that a human my age, has but I keep cribbing about things #DelhiMetro #travelling #internship #classes every li’l thing. He never complains. Come what may, I’ve never seen him complaining. His silence tells me I am wrong and need to change. Some weeks back, I was in college and I had forgotten to fill some online form as usual, without a thought I called him up, I didn’t ask him if he was busy or preoccupied with something else. I told him to fill it at that very moment at any cost ,it was the last date and hung up. In the next  7 minutes he called me up to tell me it’s done and that he has a very important lecture to deliver and is already late. He hung up. That reminded me, he had been preparing that lecture for a week now and is very important. Why couldn’t he shut me up? When some meal oddly goes short at home, he tells us he doesn’t want to eat it. He’s like a kid. He’s happy when everybody around is happy.If there was any god, I wouldn’t have respected him as much as I respect this man. He has taught me many many lessons of selflessness and unconditional love. Just when I thought these words are fiction, I saw him redefining them for me.I promise to beat you in chess in another 2 years time :D

Happy Birthday, dad J