Ssup Ladies and Gentlemen,
If by any chance, you've missed my embarrassing wedding photos on our very own facebook, chances of which happening is lesser than finding life on Pluto (Side Note: Please go and like them, this is JUST the reason I got married for) and if you've recently spotted a girl woman wearing the shinniest pair of red bangles with shirts and trousers. Yes, that's probably me. People say, women get hotter after marriage, I don't know what I did wrong. And for those who've been asking, one month into the marriage, life hasn't changed much, except people have started calling me aunty, I care about padosi ke bete ke bowels movements more, by the way and oh, yes! I've got a husband too.So, yes new set of people, new set of questions, good news kab hai? Don't even try asking me that, it is not funny. I'd poke a needle in your eye, worse I'd sit you down to watch Amrita Rao's dialogues in slow motion in your favorite, Vivah, the movie. So yes, social acceptance and all that jazz. Again, I care about Chintu's bowel movements, more. Fun fact though, there are still parts of our nation, where kids in school are prohibited to talk to a child of opposite gender and when they are to marry, they're sent off to a mysterious dark tunnel just because the gates look shiny. No, I'm not saying anything.Anyway, this post isn't about my life or yours, it's a work of philanthropy, my bit towards humanity. How those 3 days were the longest 100 years of my life, why you must choose for a court marriage instead, I tried though, good luck!
If by any chance, you've missed my embarrassing wedding photos on our very own facebook, chances of which happening is lesser than finding life on Pluto (Side Note: Please go and like them, this is JUST the reason I got married for) and if you've recently spotted a girl woman wearing the shinniest pair of red bangles with shirts and trousers. Yes, that's probably me. People say, women get hotter after marriage, I don't know what I did wrong. And for those who've been asking, one month into the marriage, life hasn't changed much, except people have started calling me aunty, I care about padosi ke bete ke bowels movements more, by the way and oh, yes! I've got a husband too.So, yes new set of people, new set of questions, good news kab hai? Don't even try asking me that, it is not funny. I'd poke a needle in your eye, worse I'd sit you down to watch Amrita Rao's dialogues in slow motion in your favorite, Vivah, the movie. So yes, social acceptance and all that jazz. Again, I care about Chintu's bowel movements, more. Fun fact though, there are still parts of our nation, where kids in school are prohibited to talk to a child of opposite gender and when they are to marry, they're sent off to a mysterious dark tunnel just because the gates look shiny. No, I'm not saying anything.Anyway, this post isn't about my life or yours, it's a work of philanthropy, my bit towards humanity. How those 3 days were the longest 100 years of my life, why you must choose for a court marriage instead, I tried though, good luck!
- Rituals: If you're born in a hindu household and marrying the traditional way (I'd not take the liberty to talk about other religions) sire, you'd be royally fucked.The unflagging pursuit of conducting rituals that are a pain in the ass for everybody. There'll be 10,000 rituals that'll add no value to your life, or your marriage, that's no fun, not for you, not for your family, not for the priest! And makes no sense whatsoever, Honey Singh's songs make more sense, but but but, you have to do it! Why? Because that's how its done, everybody does it! Why? Because god. I rest my case. Fun Fact: I heard mantra and shlokas in my sleep for good 5 days after the wedding, I would wake up sweating, would anxiously look around for the brown shit powder that we inflict upon the havan-kund, that's when he'd break my trance and say, it's over, with a dramatic pause. The saddest part? I'm not even kidding. I wish I was.
- Haldi Ceremony: Yes, the one you've watched in the movies. Deepika Padukone in yellow, designer lehenga, pink, can I call it choli? But, stop flattering yourself. You are not Padukone, the bride is oiled and greased (and made to feel ugly on her wedding day) and made to sit through pointless sessions of pooja which finishes just a second before her physical and emotional break-down. What timing! But I'm not cribbing, so much fun! You can't wait to get married, right? :)
- Photographer: This guy, manages to single-handedly suck whatever life is left in you. He'll ask you to semi make out with your guy in front of 300 guests and be okay with it. Are you okay with it? I was fucking not. And if you happen to be the bride, god save you. You'd be asked to hold a bouquet of flowers, hold it with both your hands and place them near your cheek and bend your head towards it, uh-no, not just any angle! The perfect angle that he prescribes, and all this to make a complete fucking fool of yourself. I can't think of anything else under the sun that's more lame. Can you?
- So-Much-Attention: I'm sure if I'd have won the Nobel prize for inventing flying cars, nobody would've given so much fuck. But no, marriage is larger than life! It was embarrassing to get so much attention for just a wedding, I mean, have I written a book? Won a prize? achieved anything? No. I'm just spending my parents' hard-earned money, in one single night. Was I proud of it? NO. I felt like a mini Shah Rukh Khan.Well, but the ways of the world.
- Kuch toh log kahenge: Now that we were getting married, every Ram, Shyam, Ghanshyam, paanwaala, chaiwaala assumed its their birth right to talk about our relationship. Everybody around, either had an advice or an opinion. I know life will change in multiple ways, a new set of people would be introduced, our equation would change, our fates would be intertwined and the decisions, good, bad, ugly, would affect both of us. Shit will change. But does that mean you get the right to talk about it? No. Kindly shove your valuable words of wisdom in your asses. Thank you.
P.S. Jokes apart thanks for coming to the wedding with last year's diwali's left over casserole sets wrapped primly with the shiniest piece of wrapping paper, they've truly touched our hearts and changed our lives :)
