The Facebook Generation

 

If you don’t know what I’m talking about then you must’ve been born in the era when Babur was busy banging his 20 wives. Coming back, this morning I was enjoying my shallow purposeless existence and had stepped out for a stroll, when a kid half my age who couldn’t even spell what he was uttering, attempted to eve tease me, I couldn’t ignore it, this time. And yes, it was Bangalore. You can take offense. My stability was stirred within and the same old restlessness covered with hopelessness took over my mind. So, if you have kids and reading this post (the probability of which is equal to the collective IQ of my readers, you can do the math) then don’t pay attention to their math grades, give them life lessons, you owe something to this country, pay it back by nurturing its future, showing them the fucking right path, can we? Anyway, I know in this country parenting is more ignored than the national hockey team but this post isn’t about that, it’s about facebook, naam toh suna hi hoga?

So, here’s why I hate facebook. Primarily, because I hate people, in all forms.

You might argue back because of your joblessness and a need to sound intelligent on the social media and get your smart ass comment liked, saying “you’re online here every time” ,I don’t feel a need to explain. Yes, I’m a hypocrite.

Other secondary and tertiary reasons are as follows:

Status Messages: I know it’s your fundamental right to utter any shit on any platform but some of you are just raping that right, I mean updates like “why is life so unfair?” and when somebody, to spice up his/her fucked life, comments “what happened, dear”, you reply “Please don’t ask”, wtf is wrong with you? Then there are other fucks who’d “like” this status others who’d post “aww” and other mushy modifications of the same. Get a life, can you? Also, half of the shit you copy paste from brainyquotes.com, I can swear on my life, you don’t understand what shit it means.

Flirting: Its cute how people still think, flirting, liking random status updates, photos etc on facebook can get them laid, it’s cute, isn’t it?  People ping you “Hey long time”, long time? Dude I’ve never talked to you ever in real life, get to the fucking point already. I know in our country there’s no straight path to getting laid, you at least have to date the person for 15 days and pretend you give a fuck about their likes/dislikes and existence but, what needs to be done, needs to be done. We need to carry the responsibility of hypocrisy that our elders have bestowed upon us. No?

KeWlesT nIgHt eVEr: If you type like this, please die. It’s certainly not cool to be Kewl. Don’t you pity the one’s who read it all? It’s like our politicians reading their speeches. But again, nobody cares, do they? If your kids write like this, as a punishment make them read Chetan Bhagat’s novels and the one where he thinks he knows what this country’s youth wants.

Mindless applications: So if you think a facebook application will tell you, who your best friend is, god save you. Yes, the one who doesn’t exist.  The maximum I can do is hide those posts on my timeline to keep my cool. Also, what my eye colour tells me about my personality was an eye opener. What colour my friends resemble was the coolest thing I’ve ever read. Trust me.

Stolen tweets, facebook status messages: Do you actually feel good and awesome about yourself copy pasting tweets and getting 100 likes or so on facebook? Is that an achievement? This, for an ego boost? I’m so sorry for you.

Kids: Kids, in order to gain more attention and look cool behave like dumb fucks as compared to what they normally are. I see kids as small as 12 years old, flirting on these websites, and my heart aches. Is it cool? Maybe. I’ve lost track of words and their meanings and what they mean to different generations. It’s plain sad.

Quizzes/polls: “Are you proud to be a woman?” “Which city rocks, Delhi Bombay or Bangalore?” “Men or women??” A misspelt poll is a cherry on the cake. Why don’t you shut the fuck up and try giving meaning to your life? Watching Jugal Hansraj’s movie is more productive than this, for fuck’s sake.

The bottomline is, from a society that seeked entertainment in peeping into the neighbour’s house to striping naked their personal lives in public and reading every shit about everyone’s lives, we haven’t evolved much, only the technology has. It’s just making it easy for us. As I celebrate somebody else’s miserable life reading their comments on facebook, sipping my cup of coffee, you should log off and try getting a life. Nothing personal though.

Cheers!

To Shri Asaram Bapu

Ssup Asaram Bapu dude,

Please take your statement back and apologize in the public because my life depends on that. I pay attention to every shit you say and give a fuck to all your philosophies. I am the common man citizen of India. I’ve been unemployed for an year now and at home my wife makes my life miserable, there’s nothing really exciting in my life so outraging about everything you say, entertains me and gives meaning to my life, purpose is the right word. I wasted some days of my life trying to get into the Rashtrapati Bhavan, followed by outraging about Mr Mukherjee’s statement, I don’t really know what he said but as an aware citizen of modern India, I stood up for my rights and asked him to resign. I am the same person who got offended on behalf of doctors for one Satyamev Jayate’s episode, I was too jobless that time and this seemed to be the right thing to do. I am the same guy who blames the government for everything and comes with creative ideas about how to run the country with 1.2 billion masses. I suggested castration for the rapists, but who listens to me? Iss desh ka kuch nahi ho sakta. I am really hurt and my heart aches, having heard your offensive remarks. My intolerance, hypocrisy and joblessness are the assets that I’d value for life. I will listen to every Tom Dick and Harry and what they have to say about everything under the sun and outrage accordingly because lets face it, my wife ain’t hot, job sucks and I’m outta porn. Also, to bring to your notice, if I can be stupid enough to follow you, I can be idiot enough to pay heed to your shit philosophy.  But you know what, at the end of the day I’m happy because atleast I’m not Mamta Kulkarni’s career. I am an aam aadmi who wants to contribute his bit to the nation but is more than clueless how to go about it and hence find peace in mindless protests and outrages. I will continue to refute you because I cannot take whatever shit is happening to my country, I want them to hang the rapists, this is my countr…o look the new Priyanka Chopra’s ad, so hot she is!

Yours sincerely,

A responsible citizen

A happy new year, indeed!

Hello cool people, what’s up?  Managed to break in to the Rashtrapati Bhavan, yet? No? Sad.  I prayed the lord that you could, because that’d have solved a lot of problems but anyway, moving on because that’s what we’re best at, what are your plans for the new year’s eve?  So probably on the first day of the new year, you wouldn’t remember where you passed out the last night, so cool. I laughed at Mr Mukherjee’s comments and laughed a little harder when I heard people/women are offended, some demanded his resignation, I couldn’t care less. I see people outraging about a certain x and then another lot outraging about why we aren’t outraging about a certain y. Then I see another class of men, who are offended by the whole blame-the-men thing and yet another, a large majority blaming the government, boiling their bloods for the PM’s aberrant silence. We are all very sad and very angry at we don’t know who, we just don’t know how to vent it out. I was ashamed to see people who claimed that they are ashamed to be Indians, I don’t know what to tell them, the problem is us, ain’t it? Anyway, I don’t care, I have had enough, I’ve read and seen enough. I’m sure you’re exhausted too. There’s nothing that can bring her back or can reduce the pain. Also, I read something about boycotting the republic day? Exactly what, the part where we get up late and ask, is it the independence or the republic day? Or the part where we just don’t care at all, after all it’s just another freaking holiday. I’m not sure how are we going about boycotting this thing, help, maybe? I know how we don’t caste votes and boycott the whole election thing saying, it’s all futile, everybody is the same, so on and so forth but not sure how to boycott the republic day. We all have our solutions, don’t we and so comfortably we fool ourselves that it’s the right one but sit back, chill the fuck up and respect the nation that raised you, respect the land you live on. It’s too easy to outrage and be angry at any and everything, we all share the same pain, same agony, all of us have suffered a loss, of faith, of humanity. I know even the death of rapists will not bring peace to her soul or her family’s, it may quench our souls to switch our attention to the next big thing, but the tear will remain on the face of eternity. Again, what were your new year plans? A happy new year, indeed.