You, Sir, Get a life !

Dude,

I did not intend to write this to you, for I, still have critically important issues to resolve for my nation, but well, let’s get this shit over with. To begin with, let’s lay some ground rules,

• I am not answerable to you in any way, neither would I justify, explain, elaborate on anything.
• Don’t play my bf. Never. I can take care of myself, and that tone again, I swear, I’d kick your ass off.
• I am a very boring creature , I have no clue about latest movies/songs/gadgets/cars/phones etcetera. So we are sorted. I am a bad company.
• I don’t tolerate any nuisance in any way. Get that straight.
• Yes, I did give you my number, that didnt mean I’d entertain your calls and texts every fucking time. Get it? Good. I won’t either explain, why I didnt take your call or reply to a random text. That’s rude? Okay.
• If you need a girl to accessorise, knock someone else’s door. Thank you.
• I won’t reply to texts with intentional fucked up spellings. Give it a try.
• If you presume, women are dumb, Goodbye.
• I know, what’s in your head. Don’t beat around the bush, let’s get to the point.
• I don’t appreciate flattery of any kind.
• Do not infringe my personal space. Ever. 

Cool ? So, let’s meet over coffee? No? Sad.

Dear Gandhiji

Dear Gandhiji,

Wassup? Err, I mean, Sadar charan Sparsh. As you read this, you would have taken another birth and probably living a common man’s life, playing with your grandchildren and keeping track of the kaamwaalis, post retirement. I have always respected you, for what history has taught me and the movies have shown me. Although, some people have different views, they think you screwed up our history, but let’s not get there. Cool? I’m bothering you, to bring to your notice, the f**ks ups of Mr. Hazare, on your name. Don’t you see it? I have written letters to him, repeatedly, to no reply. Here,Letter to Mr. Hazare .  I don’t care he’s 80, he doesn’t eat, that’s his personal thing. But, what’s up with the blackmailing thing? He constantly alleges the government, that it ditched him and his team. Hello? Dude? Try governing a country with 1.2 billion people. Corruption needs to end, not this way. No, not this way. Governing a country and taking decisions is like Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, you take care of corruption, bring in strict reforms, everything else goes random, you take care of everything else, corruption rises up. This is no monarchy, this is a government that the citizens of this nation, chose. Of all things, you cannot black mail it to do things your way on the pretext of not eating. You cannot stoop down to such levels. Gandhiji, don’t you see it? Do something, where are you? Tell him to shut up, people are bored of him, already. I am sick of him. He apparently meditated in front of your bronze statue, could you not put some sense into his head? I am very disappointed in you. The government came up with an ombudsman bill, but this guy, wants a stronger version of the bill, if I were the Prime Minister, I’d have put him behind the bars for wasting Parliament’s time, alleging government, black-mailing the government and instigating people against democracy. And his supporters, well, people will believe anything, if it is whispered or shouted out loud. This is what you left our country to? Are you happy for what is happening? Come back to life, and show us, what we’ve only heard. Be the father of the nation. Everyone is screwed up in their own politics, there’s no true leader. I know he’s bored in life, there’s no wife to screw his life and keep him busy fixing it. But, this is a huge cost for entertainment, No? Sigh. May lord bring him some wisdom. I am ready to lend mine. And Yeah, ‘Jai Hind’ !

Sincerely,

A Citizen

Go Die, 2011

The world is ready to celebrate the death of 2011, I want to poke a sharp knife in its eye and kick it's ass off till it dies.

This has been the worst year of my life, to say the least. It has given me damaged-beyond-repair relationships, people that were very very close to me and are no where near now, who've left a wound that I think, even time wouldn't heal. Anyway, as the new year begins, I hope, I would be able to put some sense into my life. A lot is awaiting this year, starting from graduation to working like slaves for someone else and thus, entering the vicious cycle, well, I've already entered it, No?

 All my life , I have wanted to be a wanderer, a nomad, I have wanted to visit the unknown places and travel the world, watch people, extract the goodness and move on to the next destination.As I keep saying, I want to travel with a pen, paper and a camera, that would be my idea of an ideal life. But, guess what, growing up is a bitch. It shatters everything. Everything. To materialize this, I know, there are endless constraints, endless.

Coming to the reality, I have no clue, how my life will look like in 6 months time, I don't know where to take it, how to shape it. I am probably turning into a nihilist. I ain't sure about that either. The world is making new year resolutions, I know, like all these years, I'd break them. And at the end of the year, crib. Like I am doin' now, and blame someone else. Like I just did. I am sure you do the same. No?

My new year resolution would be to keep my irrationalities to a bare minimum. Keep whatever/whoever induces irrationality in me, away. I wouldn't want to elaborate on this. Also, I would take writing more seriously and blog more frequently. Despite the fact that I have (almost) no readers, but writing, at the end of the day, makes me happy. Lets see if I can keep upto these. Wish me luck ! What are your new year resolutions ?  

An Open Letter to Ms. Vidya Balan

Ms. Balan,

Howdy?  Out of your ‘Dirty picture’ phase yet? Or still flaunting the blood red shimmery saari with red lip colour and the cheesy blouse? That too, with an ease, with which Pratibha Patil fucks up the annual presidential speech. I was stunned. Commendable job. If  I see you in that attire again, I’d be so fucked that I’d go watch the Ranveer kapoor  Singh’s shit, to forget yours. Life. Anyway, so I did watch the movie. Awesome shit. Nothing embarrasses me easily. You, ma’am, did.I was utterly disgusted, to say the least. My friends told me you acted well. Well, maybe.I was told, there is a story.Probably.I read, the story made sense. Perhaps. But guess what? Your creepy skin show crippled my head, no not in that sense. Please.I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t talk, get the point? Ok. What were you thinking? Had you done it a little less, the point would have still be conveyed. No? We understand you were portraying Silk Smitha, you needn’t be dimensionally similar to her, to tell her tale. Your vulgarity was all that I could see, it overpowered everything that made sense et al. Did you not have a mirror or something? What did it tell you? I was once your fan, I’m losing it now. The story was well narrated, dialogues were just apt, there was stuff to be told, all this amongst the shit you did. That reminds me, you know how we engineers pass? In the exams, we have little to say, very little, so instead of quality we throw quantity.A lot of ugly shit with pseudo entertaining embellishments and little tinches of the actual matter. Got the point? No? I guessed. You looked worse than Shilpa Shetty in Main Khiladi tu anari . . I found peace in Imran Hashmi’s presence, never thought I’d have to see this day, but well, such is life. It’s like you are offered rotten eggs, smelly milk and Mirinda, Hashmi was the mirinda of the movie.Sigh. Anyway, I still don’t understand the movie, in its entirety. Maybe my EQ has decreased, or probably your IQ, either ways, it was a very disappointing experience.Should have stayed home to watch Guru Dutt’s Pyaasa. Oh, by the way, I dropped in to wish you luck for your future endeavours. Get well soon !

Sincerely,

A traumatized no one

Dear Believers,

Wassup? How’s your lord doin’? Pretty great, huh? I guessed. I dropped in to request you guys, to request your god on my behalf to stop givin’ me a hard time or else I’d have to visit some random temple and bribe him and all that related shit, that hurts my atheistic sentiments, more than watching public display of bhakti, loud cacophonous bhajans, tons of money spent on tents, flowers and other useless embellishments for a random god and all this in a country where getting edible food, potable water is a privilege. Can’t it all be settled off the temple without bribing and stuff, after all we’re all followers of Mr. Hazare. No? Also, please tell him, I can’t flatter him, an ideal god shouldn’t buy flattery, what’s up with your god? He’s the master of the universe? The least he can do is, fix brains. And to begin with, he must know, what he wants, from us, the mortals. And clearly communicate this to his followers, so that people know how to get their work done and stop being hypocritical about everything in life. A god, by definition is an ideal man, why would he want to be bribed with material pleasures like money, aren’t you explicitly disrespecting him that way? Why would he want to hear praise songs to listen to you? Why would he want gold statues studded with diamonds and all. Tell him, to get things straight, his followers are confused since centuries now, it’d decrease some randomness in their  your lives, not that my life is any better, but whatever. I respect the idea of a god, totally. One would need hope, an inner strength, an unknown trust on something supreme, something that we cannot touch, talk to, something that has the power to create us and destroy us. Something that’s way beyond the concepts of temples, churches, mosques, priests, religion, flattery et al. Faith, dear believers, is a personal journey, should not be imposed upon. To me, nature is god, we humans, remain an atom, if we consider the infinities of space and time, in the face of mammoth universe. Nature, creates us, and has the power to wipe us out, as a species. The laws of nature, have always left me in an awe, making me feel so small and yet so significant. It has defined beauty, force, strength, hope, belief, faith for me. Your idea of god, I seldom understand. It, very blatantly, crosses the line of rationality. An imaginary dude, governs our actions, thoughts, feelings, emotions and other screw ups, who doesn’t stop people for spending lacs in futile flattery in lieu of helping the needy, who doesn’t make people wise, doesn’t help them evolve over the centuries, this god, I don’t understand. This god, I refuse to respect. I cannot believe a god, who likes to be praised all the freaking time. Also, tell him, to not tell me what to do and what not. Morality should not be imposed by religion, if people are good only because they fear punishment and hope for reward, we are a sorry lot, we’ve failed as a civilisation. Also ask him, to knock some sense into those barbaric shit heads, who kill each other, in the name of a non-existent someone. I’ve written a couple of letters to your version of god, seems he’s mad at me or probably our wavelengths seldom match, he doesn’t like responding? Well, maybe. Please convey my request(s) to him, if he listens to you and tell him, I’m a poor girl, don’t have much to offer. Hope he’s sensitive enough to understand.

Thanks,

An Atheist  

Happy B'day !

You remember how we grew up together? You were so different back then, how I fell from the cycle that you were riding and you told me, not to cry in front of elders :D and the times when I insisted you to let me play cricket and you gave me the job of fetching the ball from the bushes K I still remember when you carried me home, when I semi-fainted while playing and had hurt my forehead. Life was so different and perfect in it’s own way. The day you were to leave for your MBA, I cried all night, for I knew, you had set forth for a journey and will never look back. I was happy and sad. I couldn’t believe you won’t live here with us, anymore. For all these years, you’ve been a best friend, a confidant, a father, a mentor and the best brother that anyone can ask for J You’ve always been here, no matter what. You’ve been with me in my lows, to cushion my falls, you’ve taught me lessons of life like a father does. You made me re-build my faith. I still have faint memories of all the Raksha Bandhans and Bhai doojs that we celebrated together, today, I know why these festivals were so close to my heart, every year I wish, you were here more than anything else in the world. I grew up copying you, for I thought you were cool :D Today, you inspire me to do what I believe in, to choose the right road, and that the choices can be difficult but they ultimately make the life easier. You’ve been my hero, you will always be. I dropped in to tell you that I’d always be there for you, with you. Here’s wishing you a very Happy Birthday, may you excel in all your endeavours and stay as awesome as you are J

P.S. What are you getting for me from the U.S. ? :D      

Love,

Me !

A letter to myself

Dear me,

Today, I’m very disappointed in you. I dropped in to make some things very clear in your head. You seriously annoy me to the point that makes me want, to leave you alone. Who are you? Who gave you the right to talk about someone else when, you yourself are so screwed and tend to be a loser. What are your accomplishments, all these years? Any? No? I know. I dropped in to tell you, to stop being an incorrigible lazy asshole and get to work. Justify your existence, you cannot be just another earthling who rants about things, bitches about people, sit back and observe things around and fucking does nothing, you seriously think you can survive that way? I don’t.You wont. You’ve used the resources of the nation and you, cannot be wasted. And what’s up with your irrational self? Why these post teenage tantrums? Remember the day, when we promised we’ll never acquire that aunty attitude, no matter what. What happened now? Remember the day when we decided to be rational about things? How can you, so blatantly, break the pact, in a matter of few seconds? You were supposed to be strong and not give a fuck about what people have to say, or their existence around you, or whatever. You so disgust me. You’ve been an under achiever. All you can do is talk like a moral preacher and do nothing about things that bother you. How does that make you different from anybody else? And if it doesn’t, who gives you the right to talk about them? Today, when you’re getting this undue attention, I am embarrassed more than you think. Accomplish tasks, achieve something, do something for the nation, switch from the talk-mode to do-mode and then grab attention and be proud of it. And where are those to-do lists of yours that we jot down at the beginning of every month and shamelessly disrespect it by the time the month ends. There are still miles to go before you sleep. Always remember, dear me, if you rest, you’ll rust. Stay alive, be healthy, die anyway. I leave you with Steve Jobs awesomeness.Please take out time to think about it,

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.- Jobs

Love,

Me

P.S. Happy Birthday, You’ve grown an year older, not an hour richer.Sigh.