What do you want?

Do you ever ask that to yourself? On that note, I'm back. Back to Delhi. You can't even call me a musafir seeking something or trying to reach somewhere or cherishing the journey. No. I'm running away to nowhere. As much as I love him, I couldn't deal with the identity crises anymore, couldn't look at the person that I'd become. I was a no one. I wanted out. I ran off to home only to realize it didn't feel like home anymore. Where does one go when one does not want to go anywhere or stay? No place feels like home anymore. I'm left with a handful people who're home to me. And he is not with me. I'm home away from home. What do I want? How does one weigh things? prioritize? what is more important? what is lesser? I'm running away from all the noise and madness of the world only to get jolted by silence. Isn't there a balance? Can't I love him and be myself at the same time? me, my fucked up, messed up self, but me nonetheless. I donno if that's a lot to ask for. These lines by Kahlil Gibran touch me at all the right places, strike all the right chords.

      Let the winds of the heavens dance between you. 
      Love one another but make not a bond of love: 
      Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. 
      Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. 
      Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. 
      Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, 
      Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 
      Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. 
      For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. 
      And stand together, yet not too near together: 
      For the pillars of the temple stand apart, 
      And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.