How may I abuse you ?

Dear orange woman,

As Dogbert says, ‘How may I abuse you ‘ ? The way you raped my personal space and stood unperturbed, sans any guilt in your eyes and blatantly shameless, in the metro, the other day. I could decipher your non-linear sexual orientation and I, trust me, I totally understand your state. Totally. Although, let me put this in very clear words, your behaviour pissed me off to the core, to the order of this. And woman, even if you were John Abraham  Virat Kohli , I wouldn’t want you that close to me. My personal space is more important to me than my super awesome stud bag that I carry  K  And who were you, to me? An orange woman who forgot to wear her deo that day? And swear to your god, you didn’t do it on purpose. I mean, fetch me a 5-year old and he’d know how to behave, better. Who are you? The only living person on earth? I mean trust me, the golden embroidery on your kurti or whatever-that-was , left  a hideous impression on my left arm which still pains. Imagine. Where do you shop from? Well, that’s your concern. Next time, please stay away. I believe I am still a young girl and not yet hopeless with the opposite sex, I still have some good 20 odd years before I acknowledge any feelings from your side, the day I change my mind, I swear , you’ll be the one I’ll think about .Guess what? After travelling in the Delhi metro’s womens’ coach I realise the significance of one arm’s distance queue which looked redundant back then, in school days. Surely, you learn some things from experience. So I dropped in to humbly request you to quit doin’ whatever-shit you did to me the other day, it fucks up your mind and unlike you, I think about humanity and my fellow travellers. And lady, if at all you had some odd intentions, why metro, in the mid of thousand other people? Public display of anything is not my kinds, there are places, lets exchange numbers? No? Sad . Are you humiliated enough? Or should I offend you more? I hope you get the drive.

Yours Lovingly,

The girl in the blue dress

Dear Placement Officer,

Dear placement officer,

Shut the fuck up. No, Seriously.  Why don’t you understand the do-your-job-and-leave funda? Why do you have to open your mouth every every single time? What do you think, you add value? You sound intelligent? You look cool? You’re funny? Well, sir , if that is true then, I’d say, Mayawati has the best dressing sense in the world, Delhi is a home of gentle and grounded masses, Uday Chopra is the best actor in the world, India isn’t a hypocritic nation. You get the point? Your jokes are as sad as the lead actresses’ fucked up accent in a desperate attempt at humor in sab tv’s show, tarak Mehta ka ulta chashma, or even worse. No one in the world has done more damage to humanity, who trained you?  Osama Bin Laden? And what’s up with that air of arrogance around you ? You’re Aishwarya Rai? You are paid to get us placed, that’s your freaking job, stop sounding like you do us a favour. Last time I saw you, you were insulting a noble soul, who didn’t laugh at your supposed joke, get a life. Will you? What was the poor chap’s fault? He had a better sense of humor? Why on earth, are you always searching for audience to convey your crap? In this world, there are two kinds of irritants, one, who just look irritating, their very appearance, gestures, irritate the hell out of you, for instance, Tushar Kapoor. Two, the one’s who look irritating, talk crap.. like our lecturers, talk more crap.. like our politicians, talk more more crap.. like women in a kitty party and then is your category, you are frustration personified. Your very aim in life is to talk shit to the point that people commit suicide wait, is that a secret mission for population control? Whatever. And sir,  stop boasting the fact that you are on facebook and students disturb you as soon as you appear *online* on the chat. That, sir, makes you sound all the more stupid.Why did you freaking add all these students in the first place? And then you think you are some shah rukh khan with all that pseudo attention that means nothing. What are you? Some school going girl? And  your communication skills. What do I say? That pride in your voice with screwed up English, bad grammar, faulty sentence structure, makes you look nothing less than a delusional moron. Once upon a time, I respected you. Mind your ways for I may kill you anytime sooner. You are still alive because I and others are tolerant. My atheistic self pray the lord everyday to save me from your presence around. Shut up and do your job. Nothing personal, though.

Sincerely,

A Berozgaar