Do you ever ask that to yourself? On that note, I'm back. Back to Delhi. You can't even call me a musafir seeking something or trying to reach somewhere or cherishing the journey. No. I'm running away to nowhere. As much as I love him, I couldn't deal with the identity crises anymore, couldn't look at the person that I'd become. I was a no one. I wanted out. I ran off to home only to realize it didn't feel like home anymore. Where does one go when one does not want to go anywhere or stay? No place feels like home anymore. I'm left with a handful people who're home to me. And he is not with me. I'm home away from home. What do I want? How does one weigh things? prioritize? what is more important? what is lesser? I'm running away from all the noise and madness of the world only to get jolted by silence. Isn't there a balance? Can't I love him and be myself at the same time? me, my fucked up, messed up self, but me nonetheless. I donno if that's a lot to ask for. These lines by Kahlil Gibran touch me at all the right places, strike all the right chords.
Let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
Let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
4 comments:
Nice reading. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you.
Each (wo)man must carry his own cross.
and on that note :
The Recollection
Its about a quarter and two at night
Am lonely no one can share my plight
Suddenly life seems at a loss
Each man must carry his own cross
The fading Dunhill on my lips gives a dim light
The thoughts in my mind give me a fright
Maybe things are not that bad
Maybe I am just being mad
Perhaps it was my fault
Or maybe Destiny's brought life to a halt
All Karma has given me is pathos
Each man must carry his own cross
It simply goes over my head
When they say for there is always hope
With an old notepad am sitting in bed
No faith in anything, just a downhill slope
I pretend to happily lie low
In reality am slowly letting go
No desire I have to face another dawn
There really is no reason for me to go on
And these memories still come back to haunt me
It seems as if fate itself is trying to taunt me
I wish someone could share my loss
Each man must carry his own cross
There is a big difference between then and now
I know I should distract myself
I just cant find out how
There are people I could talk to
No, I realise I dont really want to
There is just so much confusion
I really cant come to any conclusion
Oh now it hits me,the fatal perception
I am not trying to draw results
I am just practising decpetion
The rette is over, its light stops to glow
Maybe this is as far as I can go
I didnt realise the truth is so gross
But Each man must carry his own cross
oh and that's not advertising unlike the above poster heh, just a poem I wrote years ago , seemed appropriate.
Sister was in a similar situation couple of years after her marriage, well she got back and they lived happily ever after etc. for what its worth, improving with time and stuff.
Then again, there are those around me, parents included to a degree, who one can't help wonder would've been happier apart.
What do I want? I ask myself that often. The answer is one I detest.
Has it only been a couple of months since this post..seems like ages..
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