‘You can’t do it, you’ll waste your time’ I was told
when I was in tenth grade and decided to take up sciences. I didn’t score much
and more often than not, I was below the average. If you have grown up in
India, you’d know how scores decide your fate. It was a matter of life and
death for parents, teachers, relatives and every other soul who wanted to spice
up his/her life by poking his nose, but whatever. I started to try hard to fit
in, that’s when the trouble begins. You don’t need to try hard. If you’re
studying for scores, to get a fancy degree, or to earn lots of money, or for
your parents’ pride, you’re doing it wrong. I always studied with a sense of
shame at the back of my mind that I’m bringing shame to family, I was made to
believe that. I studied without understanding the meaning of words, I read it
all in a jiffy with a sole intention of scoring good this time, at least this
time. At the same time, I had to prove my worth to the ones who mocked me and
told me to opt out. But then, I tried too hard.
Around the same time, my brother gifted me a copy of
‘Surely you’re joking Mr. Feynman’ to say the least, it changed the way I
looked at things. I had always known, I loved sciences.Probably more than
anything else, more than anybody else. The fact that we are so small and
insignificant in the face of universe and yet have unravelled the deepest
secrets of nature always left be flabbergasted, of course I knew, one day they
can all be proven wrong. You can only be sure that you cannot be sure. There
are so many uncertainties and no absolute truth. I visited the mountains and
the seas and somewhere amidst the colossal mountains and the silent seas, I
could sense the thrust, I could feel the momentum, I could stand there all day
in awe and could feel my heart skip a beat. Nature epitomised beauty and
everything I saw could be reasoned, it was incredible to learn how mountains
are formed and staggering to watch the sea roar, the tremendous amount of
energy it holds and how it could destroy the sight of human species from the
earth in a matter of few seconds. I realised we cannot ever know everything
about pretty much anything. We can only know we are wrong. In our million years
of existence we have discovered so much and yet, nothing at all. It’s like an
onion, with million layers, you have to peel it off layer by layer, with patience,
with passion, with diligence and yet with a constant uncertainty, and one day
after all the travail you might learn that it has all been false. The fact that
universe remains a mystery to us has always kept me glued to sciences. I knew,
I couldn’t go back, I knew I won’t regret it. Ever.
I pursued engineering, because everybody else was doing it, I wasn’t forced by anybody. It looked
like an only available choice with a fancy degree. Yes, only choice, is an
oxymoron. There are always choices, you just don’t consider them. I graduated
and became a bad engineer, a very bad engineer. I didn’t know there’s core
science and applied science, engineering was all about applications. Applying
what we’ve learnt so far. I just don’t give a fuck about technology, I don’t
care what is being developed or how it’d ease out things for users, I just don’t
care. So, after many years of studying I landed up being a bad engineer and
about to work in the IT sector. For the records, I’m an electronics engineer,
but whatever. Either ways, I’m clueless.
So back then, I didn’t know what an engineer was, I’m
sure nobody did. I still highly doubt, I know it now, but let’s not go there. People
had their own reasons, and they all were alien to me. In the past 3 years, kids
and their parents ask me about the colleges and the ranks and the cut throat
competition et al but nobody has ever asked me what is an engineer, why should
they go for it? What are they looking for? Nobody. We live in a country where
people believe that education is a formality, not a necessity. I teach/have
taught kids as small as 8 years old and their parents just do not leave them
alone. You do not study to get into a college, you study to become someone, to
do what you love doing, to find what you’ll die for, to find your passion, you
do not study to get a degree, you do not study to earn money, you study to find
yourself, to do what’ll bring out the best in you, you do not study something
because the society wants it, or the parents want it, it’s a path to finding
yourself. In the growing years of a kid when parents should encourage the
curiosity, encourage kids to question things, doubt the facts and learn things,
when parents should help them find what they’re best at, they just suck the
life out of the poor soul and cut-off any possibility of the kid’s desire to
learn and make them escapists. If you’re clear why you want to study something,
let nobody stop you but donot take up a course for wrong reasons. I know it’s a
tough world out there and you need a fancy degree but folks, that does not
guarantee a high paying job, and in all probabilities, not happiness. If you’re
doing it and don’t love it, you are conforming yourself to torture. Let this be
a free world, decide what you want to do, have faith in yourself, let people
say whatever they want to. Let this be your life, stand by your choices and
shut the people up by making it big. At the end of the day, it’s not about
money, it’s about understanding your worth as an individual. You don’t want a
life that progresses from ignorance to death, confined in a cocoon of myths and
norms, break free!
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