Priye Sonamji,

Sadar Charan Sparsh. I need to thank you for your words of wisdom in the latest Koffee with Karan episode, I mean it was an eye opener. My entire life changed. How cool are you? Right from the zebra dress that you were wearing, oh I’m sorry, the classy so elegant, zebra dress to taking the liberty of comparing yourself with legends like Meena Kumari, Rekha. Wah! Usually I do not care, but then you went on saying people think loud acting is good acting, just because someone is ordinary looking does not mean they’re a good actor. So are you implying that you too, are a good actor? Or are you telling us you are very pretty? Well, maybe I’m blind. Or are you questioning the intelligence of viewers? Or are you saying everybody is a fucktard except you? What are you saying? Tell me what are you saying? Let me remind you, these are the stuff you said and that’s why I feel you epitomize coolness because of course you'd have forgotton, after all you're busy doing so many films! 

·         You know Karan people pity actors thinking oh she looks like this, maybe she’s a good actor

      Man, that is so insightful. This explains why every time, every fucking time I watch your movies thinking oh she looks like this, maybe, just maybe, she’s a good actor.

 ·         I hate to defend myself Karan, but you know why you take me in your films, I can say a dialogue right and I can speak hindi. You know what I mean?

That’s just so modest. Wish I could come down to your level, but alas, I’m good here.

 ·         When people make art films, why do they have to take like not nice looking people? Like why? You know what I mean? Like you know what I mean?

I fucking donno what you mean, I don’t wish to.

 ·         You know being called an icon in 20s is so much better than being called an icon after you die. You know what I mean?

How modest can you be? Fuck you are a fashion icon. Whatever you have done(or not) till date is just because of your talent, not because Anil Kapoor is your dad, ofcourse not.

 ·         You know Karan, television has only rubbish reality shows. Yeah, people have talent or whatever

Whatever. People have talent? Now you’re being so humble. Of course nobody has as much talent as you do. I mean, you’ve given hits like Saawariya. I just could not stop watching you. Swear.

 ·         Well, Prime Minister should dress better

I know! What if, the nation is going down the drains, what if he’s the prime minister of a country where 270 million citizens are below the poverty line, what if people die every year of extreme heat because they don’t have shelters or of extreme cold because they don’t have shit to wear or of hunger. But of course the prime minister should totally dress better, I mean he looks so tacky! No?

Were you listening to yourself? Did you fucking know you were on a national television? Wow, I have a new found respect for you! I mean you are so cool, and your totally fucked up accent is just so sexy and wow, you have everything sorted out in your head! No?

You were like a 13 year old kid consumed in over confidence. You not only can’t act, you cannot even utter a grammatically correct sentence, nobody cares what you wear. Yes, let it sink in, nobody cares shit that you wear. You know what I fucking mean? Respect people for what they’ve achieved and please grow up already.

And no I do not wish to know what you fucking meant.

Love,
Not-a-fan