Dear random relative

Dear stranger relative,

Please stop asking why I didn't turn up at your son's wedding.Before this day I didn't even know your name and that your son existed.My naive parents think you give a shit and make my life shittier resorting to emotional blackmails.Seriously, it's perfectly sweet if you don't ask that. Both of us here know you don't care any bit,why pretend? It's like Ramdev talking about black money and justice.I mean we've both grown up since the ooohhh-you've-growwnn-soo-big-gawwwdd era, get a life this is the fucking first time we've met.It's time to move on and let go of things which do not matter. I mean c'mon on top of that you expect nice gifts, now our diwali gift stock too, is exhausting and the wrapping papers are freaking creased ! Also, wrapping is an issue to give it the new and just out-of-the-shop look.And that look on your face when you see us *all* present, exactly reads, f*** you all, 4 plates down,Holy crap !I prefer eating in 4 plates myself,one for the main course,another for the desserts, one to just appretiate the beauty of the plate and another for salad.You wouldn’t want me there, would you? I saw your son next to the pink lady, he looked terrified and cherry on the cake you had parade of strangers lined up for the oohh-congratulations-I'm-your father's-uncle's-daugheter's-cousin.Pehchaana? thing. Poor guy.And the wedding invitation, **please grace the occasion by your presence and bless the couple as they become one and set forth for a new life.. blah blah** Honestly, didn't you get that poor guy up there at the gun point? Didn't he love his college gf, Champa ? You obviously threatened him of honor killing, didn't you? I mean look at him, its alll over his face, and the poor photographer tryin’ to make the pink bride, who can't even move her facial muscles,laugh.Anyway thats your thing.Pretend in a less obvious way, seriously. Let us both live in harmony and peace and keep the parents away from this business.Deal? Hope it makes sense.

Yours lovingly,

Random relative