The Facebook Generation

 

If you don’t know what I’m talking about then you must’ve been born in the era when Babur was busy banging his 20 wives. Coming back, this morning I was enjoying my shallow purposeless existence and had stepped out for a stroll, when a kid half my age who couldn’t even spell what he was uttering, attempted to eve tease me, I couldn’t ignore it, this time. And yes, it was Bangalore. You can take offense. My stability was stirred within and the same old restlessness covered with hopelessness took over my mind. So, if you have kids and reading this post (the probability of which is equal to the collective IQ of my readers, you can do the math) then don’t pay attention to their math grades, give them life lessons, you owe something to this country, pay it back by nurturing its future, showing them the fucking right path, can we? Anyway, I know in this country parenting is more ignored than the national hockey team but this post isn’t about that, it’s about facebook, naam toh suna hi hoga?

So, here’s why I hate facebook. Primarily, because I hate people, in all forms.

You might argue back because of your joblessness and a need to sound intelligent on the social media and get your smart ass comment liked, saying “you’re online here every time” ,I don’t feel a need to explain. Yes, I’m a hypocrite.

Other secondary and tertiary reasons are as follows:

Status Messages: I know it’s your fundamental right to utter any shit on any platform but some of you are just raping that right, I mean updates like “why is life so unfair?” and when somebody, to spice up his/her fucked life, comments “what happened, dear”, you reply “Please don’t ask”, wtf is wrong with you? Then there are other fucks who’d “like” this status others who’d post “aww” and other mushy modifications of the same. Get a life, can you? Also, half of the shit you copy paste from brainyquotes.com, I can swear on my life, you don’t understand what shit it means.

Flirting: Its cute how people still think, flirting, liking random status updates, photos etc on facebook can get them laid, it’s cute, isn’t it?  People ping you “Hey long time”, long time? Dude I’ve never talked to you ever in real life, get to the fucking point already. I know in our country there’s no straight path to getting laid, you at least have to date the person for 15 days and pretend you give a fuck about their likes/dislikes and existence but, what needs to be done, needs to be done. We need to carry the responsibility of hypocrisy that our elders have bestowed upon us. No?

KeWlesT nIgHt eVEr: If you type like this, please die. It’s certainly not cool to be Kewl. Don’t you pity the one’s who read it all? It’s like our politicians reading their speeches. But again, nobody cares, do they? If your kids write like this, as a punishment make them read Chetan Bhagat’s novels and the one where he thinks he knows what this country’s youth wants.

Mindless applications: So if you think a facebook application will tell you, who your best friend is, god save you. Yes, the one who doesn’t exist.  The maximum I can do is hide those posts on my timeline to keep my cool. Also, what my eye colour tells me about my personality was an eye opener. What colour my friends resemble was the coolest thing I’ve ever read. Trust me.

Stolen tweets, facebook status messages: Do you actually feel good and awesome about yourself copy pasting tweets and getting 100 likes or so on facebook? Is that an achievement? This, for an ego boost? I’m so sorry for you.

Kids: Kids, in order to gain more attention and look cool behave like dumb fucks as compared to what they normally are. I see kids as small as 12 years old, flirting on these websites, and my heart aches. Is it cool? Maybe. I’ve lost track of words and their meanings and what they mean to different generations. It’s plain sad.

Quizzes/polls: “Are you proud to be a woman?” “Which city rocks, Delhi Bombay or Bangalore?” “Men or women??” A misspelt poll is a cherry on the cake. Why don’t you shut the fuck up and try giving meaning to your life? Watching Jugal Hansraj’s movie is more productive than this, for fuck’s sake.

The bottomline is, from a society that seeked entertainment in peeping into the neighbour’s house to striping naked their personal lives in public and reading every shit about everyone’s lives, we haven’t evolved much, only the technology has. It’s just making it easy for us. As I celebrate somebody else’s miserable life reading their comments on facebook, sipping my cup of coffee, you should log off and try getting a life. Nothing personal though.

Cheers!