An Open Letter to Ms. Vidya Balan

Ms. Balan,

Howdy?  Out of your ‘Dirty picture’ phase yet? Or still flaunting the blood red shimmery saari with red lip colour and the cheesy blouse? That too, with an ease, with which Pratibha Patil fucks up the annual presidential speech. I was stunned. Commendable job. If  I see you in that attire again, I’d be so fucked that I’d go watch the Ranveer kapoor  Singh’s shit, to forget yours. Life. Anyway, so I did watch the movie. Awesome shit. Nothing embarrasses me easily. You, ma’am, did.I was utterly disgusted, to say the least. My friends told me you acted well. Well, maybe.I was told, there is a story.Probably.I read, the story made sense. Perhaps. But guess what? Your creepy skin show crippled my head, no not in that sense. Please.I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t talk, get the point? Ok. What were you thinking? Had you done it a little less, the point would have still be conveyed. No? We understand you were portraying Silk Smitha, you needn’t be dimensionally similar to her, to tell her tale. Your vulgarity was all that I could see, it overpowered everything that made sense et al. Did you not have a mirror or something? What did it tell you? I was once your fan, I’m losing it now. The story was well narrated, dialogues were just apt, there was stuff to be told, all this amongst the shit you did. That reminds me, you know how we engineers pass? In the exams, we have little to say, very little, so instead of quality we throw quantity.A lot of ugly shit with pseudo entertaining embellishments and little tinches of the actual matter. Got the point? No? I guessed. You looked worse than Shilpa Shetty in Main Khiladi tu anari . . I found peace in Imran Hashmi’s presence, never thought I’d have to see this day, but well, such is life. It’s like you are offered rotten eggs, smelly milk and Mirinda, Hashmi was the mirinda of the movie.Sigh. Anyway, I still don’t understand the movie, in its entirety. Maybe my EQ has decreased, or probably your IQ, either ways, it was a very disappointing experience.Should have stayed home to watch Guru Dutt’s Pyaasa. Oh, by the way, I dropped in to wish you luck for your future endeavours. Get well soon !

Sincerely,

A traumatized no one